


Girl Crush (One Shot)

by MukeSinner



Series: Album One-Shots (H&L) [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Heartbreak, I'm Sorry, Lost Love, M/M, Read at Your Own Risk, Sad, What has happened to our boys, i don't know what to tag, real world fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 14:27:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14522598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MukeSinner/pseuds/MukeSinner
Summary: Just a one-shot of what Harry was thinking while singing Girl Crush. It's horribly sad, but what I feel like was going through his mind. Read at your own risk, and expect to have your heart broken.





	Girl Crush (One Shot)

**Author's Note:**

> This is 100% fiction, and just what I feel like Harry was thinking. I of course still love and support both boys, and believe they are in a relationship, but the strain is obvious and has been for some time. I apologize to those of you who do not like this kind of thing.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Much love, 
> 
> Xx

Harry stood before the audience, bold and proud, head held high as his fingers moved on their own and he began to strum his guitar. With his heart in his throat and his stomach in his shoes, he began slow and soft, building ever so gently up to what he surprisingly held inside him. 

_ I got a girl crush, I hate to admit it but _

_ I got a heart rush, ain’t slowing down _

His girl crush has and will forever be Louis Tomlinson, small block from Doncaster with an attitude to make up for his height. But will he forever be Louis’?

_ I got it real bad _

_ Want everything she has _

He had Brianna and Eleanor always paying him attention. Between them, his job and Freddie he was constantly busy, never having time to answer a simple phone call to tell his supposed boyfriend goodnight. But it’ll always be them, won’t it? Lou and Haz against the world, right?

_ That smile and that midnight laugh she’s giving you now. _

He was supposed to be here tonight. He was supposed to send Harry onto the stage with a kiss and a wish good luck, but he didn’t show. With a simple text message explaining his absence, Louis disappeared. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately, leaving or never appearing. He loved him though, swore he did, swore he always has.

He’s admitted to his admiration of the curly haired lad who used to work in a bakery. Loved his cheesy, dorky jokes and that constant tick he has when he gets nervous. It’s never the same, something Louis has always been fascinated by. He either plays with his fingers, bounces his foot, rubs his chin or touches the closest person to him he can until he no longer feels pressure. 

His admiration, his love has never wavered, never swayed or lessened. He was as taken to the boy today as he was those many years ago when he seen him on the x-factor, still got blown away by his voice and the way he let the lyrics carry him. He got lost in the music, let the emotions seep into his words. But things change. Everybody knows that. And Harry believes they’ve grown apart.

_ I want to taste her lips _

_ Yeah, cause they taste like you _

_ I want to drown myself, in a bottle of her perfume. _

Louis smells like Brianna on the days he claims to be visiting his family, but there is no use in lying anymore. Harry sees the photos, sees his boyfriend snuggling up to the random woman who everybody claims he is in love with, and Harry sometimes questions if they’re right. 

Those blue eyes hold the same sparkle they once did when they were looking at Harry. Those gentle fingers laced through hers once held Harry’s with as much purpose and love. Pink lipstick has never been smudged across Louis’ face before, but Harry seen it the other day, seen the place he forgot to wipe above the curve of his smile.

**_Fuck, his voice cracked._ **

_ I want her long blonde hair _

_ I want her magic touch _

Would Louis love him more if he grew his hair out again, if his once long curls returned and could be wrapped around short fingers. Would he look better blonde, or would all of his attempts be futile? He wasn’t Brianna, never could be. He wasn’t worth Louis’ time anymore, their relationship was simply memories held together with false hope that one day, that sassy boy would return and touch Harry like he used to.

Was he not worth anything anymore? Was his touch not magical?   
  


_ Yeah, 'cause maybe then (Another crack, though he was sure nobody was even paying attention to him) _

_ You'd want me just as much  _

_ And I've got a girl crush _

_ I've gotta girl crush _

 

He had a long enough break to pause and gather himself, to reign in his emotions and cough away the memories that seemed to have sneak into his voice. He didn’t let his eyes stray to the crowd, afraid they would see how unworthy he was when they seen his eyes. Would they be able to see his fears, his self doubt? Did they know how little he meant to Louis now, or did they still really believe they broke up in two thousand and fifteen, when Louis first began to drift away? When everything began to fall apart.

But they still loved each other, didn’t they? Louis was doing  _ this _ so they could  _ stay together. _

_ I don't get no sleep _

_ I don't get no peace _

 

_Thinking about her_

_Under your bed sheets_

His eyes stayed close, face trying to fight off the emotions threatening to make tears leave burning trails down his cheeks.

He remembered the first night Louis slept away, promising he was only going to spend some time with a few lads…. But the pictures were all over the internet that night. They had went out clubbing, and Louis was wearing the shirt Harry had bought him as he hung all over Brianna. He looked so… Happy? Happy without Harry.

They were supposed to be together forever. Louis was his first crush, his first love, and ultimately, his first heartbreak.

And Harry hardly slept anymore, even when Louis was with him. Because he knew that’s not where Louis wanted to be, and when Louis was away, he just wanted him to be right next to him again so he could at least lay awake all night and stare at the face that has began to age and grow wrinkles….  _ They were supposed to grow old together.  _

_ The way that she's whispering _

_ The way that she's pulling you in _

_ Lord knows I've tried _

_ I can't get her off my mind _

Did Brianna at least have silk sheets, too? And did she know that Louis liked three pillows, so he could put one behind him so he didn’t fall off the bed? Do they still smell like Louis in the morning, and does she hug his pillow too as she tries to will away the tears that came when she found he was gone, and his side of the bed had long since gone cold?

_ Does she love him too? _

The first time Harry knew he had lost Louis was just before they split up as a band. It was when he had seen the pregnancy rumours online, when he found out Louis had cheated on him, and it wasn’t some cruel, horribly put together cover story their management had set up. He wished he would have found out a different way, but Louis denied it, swore he loved Harry, that he would never hurt him….

Yet, isn’t that what he always set out to do?

They weren’t meant for forever. They weren’t even meant to be together.

_ I want to taste her lips _

_ Yeah, 'cause they taste like you _

But he loved him. Even when that tiny infant was placed in his arms, looking exactly like Louis did in the pictures Jay had showed him, bringing truth to every lie he had been told. The tears had come then, and he couldn’t stop them, didn’t want to even when Louis knelt in front of him and cried along with him.

He hated him. He hated him for having the one thing they promised to have together, when they were ready. He was moving on from Harry, had finally realized the curly haired lad could never give him everything he wanted, and would never amount to anything more than some boy who sang in a boyband that got famous by chance.

_ I want to drown myself _

_ In a bottle of her perfume _

He had promised Jay he would try, that he would stick around with her boy. He remembers Louis falling apart on that bed, holding onto his mom who had long since took her last breath. He couldn’t leave him then, even though every ounce of his body was tired of fighting for something he knew Louis didn’t want. All his effort was going to waste, yet he knew he had to be the boys anchor.  _ He didn’t get the tattoo for nothing.  _ He often wonders if Louis would come back if he changed his cologne… If he made himself smell like Brianna, and painted his nails too.

_ I want her long blonde hair _

_ I want her magic touch _

But Louis didn’t need him. Brianna became who Harry always wanted to be. She was his saving grace, the person he turned to for comfort while Harry was left in the back room cleaning up the mess Louis left behind him. She was everything Harry could never be, the person who would be Louis’ happily ever after… She had his baby, after all. And it was none of Harry’s business. He was only uncle Harry, anyway.

_ Yeah, 'cause maybe then _

_ You'd want me just as much _

They fell apart before they even really came together, as painful as that was to admit. So many fans had such big hopes for them, and Harry allowed himself to follow in step with them. He wanted for so much, and offered Louis the entire world…. But the boy wanted the moon before he shot for the sun, burning himself up in front of Harry’s eyes.

He wonders where he is tonight, if the text telling Harry he was out drinking was really the truth. Was he drowning his sorrows in alcohol, or was he burying his guilt in Brianna? Were they still the happy family, or was what the internet said true? Did they really fall apart. Harry never knew, and never would. He was kept in the dark, hidden in Louis’ past like he was meant to be. That’s why they never came out. Management knew they were only temporary, and why ruin the sexual appeal of two boys when one or both of them would realize they were two idiots chasing a hopeless love.

_ And I've got a girl crush _

_ Oh, and I got a girl crush _

His heart still fluttered at the sight of Louis, and it still remembered the day he had first laid eyes on him. He was a beautiful creature, hiding behind too long hair and sarcastic remarks. But beneath that all, he was sweet. He was the one who had nursed Harry while he was sick, comforted him when he was crying, and held him when he felt like he was falling. Their love may have burnt out, but they still had their memories… They still had each other, and Harry would hold on longer even if it meant his fingers get burned by the rope that has long since caught on fire.

With the last note that rang out, Harry was turning around and running, hiding before anyone could see the single tear that managed to escape. 

The world was no longer theirs. They weren’t fighting it together, hadn’t been for a long time. Hope was gone, and love was missing. Trust disappeared the first year into their relationship. The only thing that remained was the faint echo of Harry’s heart that still, after all these years and all the betrayal, sang a song for only Louis to hear.

He has tried to sleep outside of their relationship, to find a love like Louis has found, but he had already found it in the boy who no longer wanted him. He was taken, never to be given to anyone else no matter how desperate he was….

_ “You did amazing--- Are you alright?”  _ He easily ignore the question as he took off his guitar and threw it at the person before he took off to his room, running and trying to leave behind his heart that was trying to strangle him and take everything he had left.

He wanted to be Hazza and Lou. He wanted to be the two idiots everyone couldn’t picture apart. He wanted to watch Louis fuck up in the kitchen, and he wanted more than anything to feel as he fell asleep beside him. His time may have run out, but fuck it if he didn’t want more. He wanted to steal everything Brianna had, everything Danielle and Eleanor got to see.  _ He wanted his girl crush to go away, so he could claim the man as his own once again. _

“Hia, Hazza,” Said the boy perched between two vases full of pink roses, the same color as the lipstick that had once been smeared across his lips….

And even though the ache was there, and the questions and the doubt and denial, Harry still smiled through the tears and the pain. Their forever may be over, but he was willing to steal a few minutes that weren’t meant to be his, if it meant he got to stare at this frustrating boy for one second longer.

“You came,” he said in a whisper, the emotions once again locked up. The only proof he had let them free was the dry trail on his cheek from the single tear, and the slight raspiness to his voice from the strain and constant crack and breaking of the notes he tried so hard to sing.

“ ‘course I did, Harry. I’ve missed you….”  _ If only he knew how much Harry’s missed him. _

And how much he will when Louis finds out Harry has doubted them, that the curly haired boy went through his phone one night and find out everything he has tried to hide…

But for right now, and even if it’s just for right now…

They’re Louis and Harry.

Two boys in a band, trying to beat the odds while trying to love the other after so much damn heartbreak.

_ “We're not who we used to be _

_ We're not who we used to be _

_ We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me _

_ Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat” _

  
  



End file.
